Human relations are so multidimensional, and those dimensions are so interrelated that sometimes their complexity goes beyond a normal level of understanding capability. Some couples are generally happy day in and day out and things seem to be pretty smooth; and then, out of nowhere, some inexplicable and seemingly dormant irrationality rears its ugly head; in those moments people tend/need to go back to an almost primitive stage of the relationship in search of re-validation and re-verification that things are OK and have a chance to work out...
My friend and his wife have that seemingly smooth type of relationship; but she has some nuances that every so often send him in that search. She has an almost pathological aversion to be taught or led by him and her almost obsessive competitiveness does not allow her to reasonably recognize he may know more than she knows about certain subjects. So, when he tries to either teach her something or point somethings out which she does not understand, she gets so irrationally upset that seems to be willing to put their whole relationship on the line by taking dismissive/unilateral actions instead of reasoning about it... He, on the other hand, has known for a long time about her phobias; he has identified them himself, analyzed and labeled their root cause and become aware of the triggers; but, instead of avoiding/defusing the situation, continues to provoke incidents and get extremely upset with her reactions.
Now, these are two extremely bright human beings who, when they find themselves in such a situation, inhibit their intellect and dive - head first - into a sea of irrationalities, and remain immersed down there for a time long enough to threaten irreversible damage...
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2 comments:
That's a difficult situation for your friend and his wife. One that other people have also noticed. Has your friend's wife been made aware of how your friend feels?
I don't know for a fact, but taking an educated guess I'd venture to say she has not. I think I can also guess why: in his mind, she gets so dismissive ("think what you want" and "I don't care what you think or do" comments) and he feels so unappreciated by - and unimportant to - her, that if he pursues the avenue of telling her how he feels, he will get the same responses as quoted above, and he - protecting his 'self' - would take actions that could land him at a point of no return. He usually applies an adage that says "If you can't affort to lose a fight, don't fight it"...
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