Papá died at 4:20 PM local time, on Sunday, October 12th 2008. He died in his bed, peacefully, as he became after the priest gave him the last rites. He was 86 years, 9 month and 25 days old.
I got to their place on Friday, October 10th at about 11 PM. I realized at that time the situation was more precarious that I had anticipated; as it turns out, he had deteriorated quite a bit since earlier that day when he had been able to talk to my cousin Luis who came from Carúpano to see him, and my brother-in-law César; but unfortunately, by the time I got there he was no longer able to articulate words; only unintelligible sounds... He spent a very restless night and neither Nenón nor I slept much.
On Saturday morning, at his request, I picked him up from bed and sat him in a wheel chair; brought him out to the living room for a little bit of natural light and fresh air; also to see if I could talk to him. I spoke to him for about an hour; I told him all about Jan and all his granddaughters from me, the house in Tennessee, my new job, all that I knew would bring him joy... He requested to go back to bed, I obliged. Subsequently I called Manolo who came right away; he ordered an IV to be applied to Papá for hydration and basic nutrition purposes. He also called me aside and said that this was only to give him a little comfort; that this was the end game; that there was no recovering from this; that even though his vital signs were still within normal range, it was a matter of a couple of days, or a couple of weeks, or a couple of months depending on the stage of his decline. Luis, my cousin, cooked for us that day and we had an early, and extraordinarily tasteful, dinner. Afterwards, Manolo gave Luis and Alba a ride down to Caracas as they were returning to Carúpano, by bus, during the night. Before leaving, Manolo said to tell Ligia to call him when Papá passed to save her lots of aggravation and paper work by being the attending and certifying physician. After cleaning up, we went to bed, and Papá continued to be very restless; sleep did not come easy during the whole night.
Sunday came with visitors; Papá’s cousins Zhayra, Ilse and Josefina came by at around 1 PM. Noel Mora, another cousin of ours and Reina, his wife, came over just as I was getting ready to go to the airport. Earlier, Ligia had stopped by the parish on the way over my parents’ to ask the priest to come by, but he had a cold and said he would send some Eucharistic Ministers over. At around 2:20 PM I said my goodbyes; I kissed Papá and said goodbye to him; I told him that we would see each other again, in a different place, but that we would meet again for sure, assuming he had little time left and that he would die with me not being there; he assented and I left the room. Alejandro, Mireya (Alejandro’s fiancée who had been around and being part of the whole process) and I left for the airport; simultaneously, Noel and Reina decided to go fetch another priest.
As Alejandro was slowing down to drop me off at the airport at around 3:15 PM, Ana Gabriela called and said that Papá had died. I told Alejandro not to stop and to drive back to San Antonio. I immediately called Jan and let her know; also left a message for Clarissa Ane. As we were turning, Ligia called and said he had not died; apparently, when the priest came and gave him the Last Rites, he exhaled with such relief and went into such a restful state that Ana Gabriela thought he had died. But Ligia also said the priest had confided with her that he thought Papá had no more than a few hours left; we kept on going back to San Antonio. We got back home at around 4PM and he had changed; he seemed to have gone into a calm sleep, breathing at a good rhythm; I told him that I was back and I believe he moved his eyebrows (I’d like to think he acknowledged that); I looked at his fingernails and they had changed: they were purple now… Nenón laid next to him and I stood bed-side watching his breathing. It started gradually to slow down and to get shallow; it went from a breath every three seconds to every five seconds and so on; every time the breathing got slower I would take his pulse, and it was still there. When it got to about 10 seconds apart I called Ligia who was in the living room with all the visitors and she came in and sat next to him on the side of the bed. At 4:20 the breathing stopped; I checked his pulse by his neck and his wrist and there was none; he was gone. It started to rain, actually to storm heavily. I called Jan again and let her know it was for sure this time. I called Clarissa Ane whom I asked to call Valentina. I called Manolo who said he was on his way. I called my boss and let him know. I called the airline to change flights to Wednesday. While I was doing all this calling, Ana Gabriela – as a lawyer – was making all the needed calls to all pertinent bodies to put all the administrative, legal and logistics wheels in motion. Manolo came with Milena, his oldest sister, and filled out all the medical/legal forms for Ana Gabriela. Even though Papá had prepaid funeral services and a burial plot of land, we decided in a family conclave not to use the funeral services since that part of town had gone real bad since Papá had bought those services, and to cremate him as it had been his wish, instead of using the land. The funeral and cremation were scheduled for Monday. Alejandro took me to a store to buy funeral clothes since I had not gone prepared for this. At about 10:30PM the funeral home came to take his body away; Ligia had selected the clothes Papá would wear last. Everybody left. Nenón had a rough night, the third one in a row; with her heart condition, rest (along with medication and diet) is one of the key elements to prolong her life and she had had none lately…
On Monday the 13th the viewing was from 11:00AM to around 3:00PM; many people came, many of them Rodríguez cousins who had met him in the family reunions, and had come to appreciate him as the oldest of all cousins. On my mother’s side three of our cousins came: Noel, Carolina (Nicolas’ daughter) and Charito (Luis’ sister). Luis called all sad since he could not be there (could not find a way to get back to Caracas in time). Nicolas, one of Nenón’s brothers came and Priscilla, one of Nenón’s sisters (Noel’s mother) also came. Many of Ligia’s neighbors and old and new friends, most of Cesar’s brother and sisters, Ana Gabriela’s friends and Salvador’s family, Alejandro and Mireya’s boss and coworkers (closed the office) also came. Manolo was there. At around 3:00PM staff from the crematorium came with forms for Nenón to sign and release the body for cremation; they took him away. I received his ashes and signed the receipt at around 5PM; and we all left. Alejandro gave Manolo and two of his co-workers a ride, along with Mireya. Ana Gabriela and Salvador rode in their car. Cesar, Ligia Nenón, Papá (now in a little box on my lap) and I rode back to Ligia’s. Later Nenón had the roughest night yet… They had been married for 58 years, two months and 27 days.
As a family, we decided that Nenón will eventually move in with Ligia; she weighted her wants/needs for being still the mistress of her household versus having full companionship from, and be useful to, Ligia; she agreed to the move. Meanwhile they will take their time to properly dispose of her household, in an orderly and sensible manner. Also eventually, Ana Gabriela and Salvador will move into Nenón’s current apartment. Meanwhile, Nenón and Ligia will sleep in the same place, some nights at Nenón’s, most times at Ligia’s, until all is done.
I left Venezuela on Wednesday October 15th in the afternoon and it was still raining…
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